


The Darkness He Became

by Art3misiA



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Death (referenced), F/M, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:29:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22844083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Art3misiA/pseuds/Art3misiA
Summary: Andromeda couldn't help but feel sympathy for Severus Snape... but there was another feeling there, too.
Relationships: Severus Snape/Andromeda Black Tonks
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10
Collections: Love Fest 2020





	The Darkness He Became

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Charlie9646](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/gifts).



> This piece is unbetaed, so please forgive any errors I've missed in my editing.
> 
> #LF2020 #TeamAphrodite

**1 August, 1981**

Andromeda watched as the members of the Order filed solemnly into her home for an emergency meeting. Several of them were weeping, while still others held expressions of disbelief and anger. She knew something serious had happened—something to do with the Potters—but she didn’t know exactly what.

“Mum, what happened?”

Andromeda looked down at the worried face of her daughter. Nymphadora, who was seven, held a never ending fascination with the Order which, to Andromeda’s chagrin, she had not been able to stamp out.

“Nothing. Nothing’s happened, Nymphadora. Kindly go up to your room.”

“Rubbish, mum! Everyone’s upset! _Something’s_ happened. Is it to do with You-Know-Who?”

Andromeda sighed. “I don’t know. Now _run along,_ for Merlin’s sake. Children are not allowed at the meetings, and you know it.”

Nymphadora pouted and folded her arms petulantly, her hair turning a bright and vibrant red in protest. “But I don’t _want_ to go to my room! I want to stay out here!”

“I swear to Salazar, Nymphadora, if you do not get out of my sight _this instant_ —”

“Miss Tonks, you would be well advised to listen to your mother.”

Mother and daughter turned to regard Severus Snape, who looked paler and angrier that usual - which, in Andromeda’s opinion, was saying something. Nymphadora’s face paled, too, her hair turning a muted blue colour. She was afraid of the tall, grim man who dressed all in black.

“I’ll just go to my room, now, mother,” she said quietly, all traces of her earlier recalcitrance having vanished. With a final suspicious glance in Severus' direction, Andromeda’s wayward daughter rushed out of the room.

“What happened, Severus?” Andromeda asked fearfully. “Are the Potters—?”

“Dead,” He bit out. She thought he saw a glistening in his eyes, but it was surely a trick of the light. Without another word, he swept past her and into the kitchen, where the meeting was to be held. She followed silently, a feeling of foreboding settling over her.

Although she was not an official member, Andromeda was permitted to listen in on all but the most top-secret meetings, due to assisting the Order by providing her residence as a safe house and meeting-place. She took her seat at the table to hear the update from Albus Dumbledore, who was standing soberly at one end of the room.

When everyone was assembled, he cleared his throat and began to speak. “Many of you will have heard the rumours about what happened last night. It is with the deepest regret and sadness that I confirm these rumours are true. James and Lily Potter are dead, murdered by Voldemort.” Dismayed gasps, sobs, and cries of outrage met this revelation.

“And Harry?” asked Alice Longbottom fearfully. She and her husband, Frank, had a little boy - Neville - who was the same age as the Potters’ son.

“Harry is safe,” Dumbledore replied. “Hagrid has left him with his aunt, Lily’s sister. He will be raised by them, as a Muggle, until he comes of age and is able to attend Hogwarts.” 

“They are awful people,” Minerva McGonagall chimed in. “The worst sorts of Muggles. But they are the only family Harry has left. I can only hope he will be cared for.”

“Don’t be stupid, Minerva,” Severus snorted. All eyes in the room turned to look at the imposing raven-haired man, surprised to hear him speak. “I know what Petunia is like. She’s a disgusting, small-minded and petty woman who loathes magic and everything to do with our world. Being forced to take on the care of a child born to magical parents will be a constant reminder of that, and she will hate him for it.”

“But—surely you could have placed him with a wizarding family?” Molly challenged, turning now to Dumbledore. The other members mumbled their agreement. “Any one of us— _any_ family aligned with the light—would have been honoured to adopt him as our own.”

“It was our only option,” Dumbledore answered gravely. “We must protect the boy at all costs. There are still forces of darkness that remain a threat, even now.”

Severus stood, slamming his hands on the table. “He’s _not_ protected there, Dumbledore, and you know it! He may be concealed from the Dark Lord’s forces, but he’s still in danger! I wouldn’t be surprised if those vile people leave him abandoned somewhere, or simply neglect him so badly he doesn’t survive to see his eleventh birthday!” With that, he stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him.

A low muttering started up after he left. Severus Snape had, only very recently, changed sides — or so Dumbledore said. Many members didn’t trust the Death Eater at all, but Dumbledore insisted he wished to act as a double agent, at great personal risk, and help to bring about Voldemort’s downfall.

“How could it happen, Dumbledore?” asked Elphias Doge. “They were protected by the Fidelius charm. The only person who knew their location was—”

“—Sirius Black. That traitor,” hissed Alastor Moody. “When I find him, I’ll curse him so hard he’ll wish he was dead!”

“It would appear this is so,” Dumbledore agreed.

“No. _No._ It can’t be,” gasped Remus Lupin. “He _wouldn’t._ Sirius loved James and Lily. They were his family. We were all family. I don’t believe it.” He dropped his face into his hands and began to sob.

“But who else could have, Remus?” Peter Pettigrew argued. “He was their secret-keeper. There’s no other explanation. I just—don’t understand why. Poor, poor James and Lily. Poor Harry, an orphan who must live among Muggles, and awful ones at that.” He burst into noisy tears and fled from the table, exiting from the same door Severus had minutes earlier.

Following this outburst, the remaining members continued to discuss the repercussions of the incident. It appeared that, after killing James and Lily, Voldemort had disappeared. It was apparent he had tried to attack Harry, because the infant had been sporting a fresh lightning-shaped scar on his forehead when he was retrieved from the Potters’ home. Nobody was sure what had happened to him or where he had gone, but it seemed he had been defeated. 

Dumbledore shared his theory that Lily’s sacrifice had saved the boy. “She died trying to protect her son,” the older wizard explained. “A mother’s love holds very ancient, very powerful magic. I believe that, in the moments after she died, her sacrifice enabled her to protect Harry from harm. It is possible that the curse rebounded, striking Voldemort and ending his reign of terror.”

“But they didn’t find a body,” Mundungus Fletcher argued. “‘Ow can you be sure ‘e’s dead if there’s no body?”

“I can’t be sure. It is, however, what I believe.” Dumbledore replied. “Now, word will spread quickly about all this. In the meantime, we need to carry out further investigations to confirm Voldemort’s downfall, and assist the Aurors to begin rounding up his followers before they can create mass havoc. They are sure to lash out in the wake of their master’s disappearance. We must all be careful, even now; and act strategically, not with emotion. Now is not the time to become complacent.”

“Constant vigilance!” Moody barked, his magical eye rolling madly.

Thereafter, the meeting was concluded, and the members went their separate ways, still in shock over the events of the last twenty-four hours. Many of them gathered in the lounge, where they shared a bottle of firewhiskey produced by Mundungus.

Andromeda made her way through the house to the small backyard, wanting to get some air and a moment of quiet. She stepped out into the darkened space and jumped when one of the shadows moved.

“Fear not, Andromeda. It is only I.” His voice, usually commanding on the infrequent occasions he chose to use it, spoke quietly from a corner of the garden. It sounded cracked, as if he were trying to control his emotion.

“Severus? Are you alright?” Andromeda’s heart beat faster as she approached. Something about him had called to her ever since the first time he appeared on her doorstep. She felt ashamed at her attraction; after all, she was a married woman and he was a spy who had, until just recently, been one of Voldemort’s most loyal followers. Perhaps he still was, and could not be trusted. Besides, he was almost eight years her junior. Nevertheless, she couldn’t help the flutter in her stomach as she placed a gentle hand on his arm.

“No.” His simple answer, tinged with finality, tugged at her heart. He sounded full of pain.

“Will you tell me about it?” she asked.

He sighed and said nothing, but did not shrug off her hand, so she slid it slowly up his arm to his shoulder. To her surprise he abruptly turned towards her touch, folded his slim frame against her in an embrace, and began to weep softly. Surprised, Andromeda wrapped her other arm around his back and held Severus as he cried.

“It’s all my fault,” he said brokenly. “I could have done more. I could have saved her from him, if only had acted sooner.”

Andromeda wasn’t sure at first who he was talking about. Then she realised—he must mean Lily Potter. Had he loved her? She knew virtually nothing about him, or his history with Lily, other than that they had attended Hogwarts together. Had they been friends? Lovers? She wasn’t sure how to respond, so simply rubbed comforting circles on his back. She noticed how thin he was, and wondered how well he took care of himself. _She_ could take care of him, if only given a chance—

No! What was she thinking? She was married, with a child! She _loved_ Ted. He was a kind, thoughtful, cheerful man who never failed to make her laugh. She mustn’t allow herself to think such things.

As if he sensed her conflicting thoughts, Severus abruptly pulled away from her, angrily wiping at his face and turning away. Andromeda felt strangely bereft at the loss of contact, which only intensified her feelings of confusion and guilt further.

“I—Forgive me,” he said. “I forgot myself. Please excuse me.” He pushed past her and disappeared into the house, his cloak billowing behind him as he stepped through the door. She stood in silent shock for a few moments before gathering herself and following him. By the time she got into the house, however, Severus was gone.

**April, 1998**

Andromeda sat on the bed, quietly brooding, in a bedroom at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Upon Sirius' escape from Azkaban and subsequent vindication, it had become the new Order headquarters. Sirius had offered it up for their use, having inherited it after his mother had died. She was currently under their protection, hence her presence there.

Since Ted’s death a month ago, everything had been muted. Grey. It wasn’t fair that he’d been forced to go on the run to avoid the wrath of the Muggle-Born Registration Commission. Wasn't fair that he’d had to face this persecution all over again. That their family had been ripped apart. Nymphadora, heavily pregnant and due any day now, had been so distraught following the news of her father’s death that Andromeda feared she would go into early labour.

She heard a knock at the door and looked up. To her surprise, when she granted the visitor entry, Severus entered. Although she had continued to see him from time to time, mostly at Hogwarts while Nymphadora had been a student, she hadn’t interacted with him in any real capacity since that night at the end of the first war, when he had broken down and wept in her arms over the death of Lily Potter. 

“May I sit?” he asked quietly.

Andromeda nodded her assent, and Severus lowered himself gracefully into a chair opposite. From his robes, he produced a bottle of Ogden’s and two glasses.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“You were there for me in my time of weakness, directly after Voldemort’s downfall,” he replied. “I took comfort in your kindness. Now, I wish to repay you by offering my comfort in your time of loss.” He poured, and handed Andromeda a glass.

She grasped it with a whispered “Thank you,” and took a large swig. It burned, but it felt good at the same time. Glancing over at him, she was startled to see Severus watching her intently, his dark onyx eyes appraising her face. Observing him in return, Andromeda thought to herself that he was still a handsome man. 

They drank in silence for some time, until Andromeda could bear it no longer. “Why are you _really_ here, Severus?” she asked.

He didn’t answer immediately, but appeared to consider her question, staring into his glass and gently swirling the amber liquid. “I suppose I am aware of my own mortality,” he replied at last. “This war is rushing towards its conclusion. The Dark Lord will soon make his final move, and there will be a battle. I greatly suspect I will not survive it.”

She sensed that he did not want her to try and convince him otherwise, although it distressed her to hear him speak so cavalierly about the possibility of his death. “That doesn’t really answer my question,” she replied with a frown.

“You are a beautiful woman, Andromeda,” he stated baldly. “And I hope you will forgive me for saying so, so soon after your husband’s passing. I mean no disrespect. But, if I am to die soon, I would like to spend some time in the company of a woman such as yourself.”

“Why?” she pressed. “Why me?”

“You have never judged me as many of the others have,” he explained. “Your glances were always warm. I know of your feelings towards me—”

Andromeda took a sharp breath. Had she been so obvious? Had others noticed—?

“—It was not obvious to anyone but me,” he continued, as if he had read her thoughts. And perhaps he had. He was skilled at both Legilimency and Occlumency, after all. “I’ve become accustomed to hostile glances and angry words, to being distrusted and suspected of nefarious activities. But you, Andromeda — you were kind.”

Leaning forward, he refilled her glass again, then his. How many had she had? Four? Five? She wasn't sure. The room had taken on a slightly fuzzy tinge. She watched him as they continued to drink. He really _was_ handsome, and seemed so lonely. She was lonely, too. He knew of her secret attraction to him, and did not seem perturbed by it - had even called her beautiful. Perhaps they could seek some brief comfort in each other. 

Placing her glass down on her bedside table, Andromeda stood and swiftly crossed the few steps to where Severus sat, lowering herself to his lap. Cupping his face, she pulled him towards her and placed a soft, yet demanding, kiss against his lips. After a moment, he responded, his free hand coming up to tangle in her hair as his mouth moved against hers. When she licked gently at his lips, they parted, allowing her entry. She could taste the whiskey on his tongue.

Dimly, she registered a crash as his glass hit the floor and broke, but it was immediately forgotten as his other arm came around her back, pulling her closer to him. He moaned softly into her mouth as she wove her hands into his long, silken black hair, tugging at it softly. She had always wanted to run her fingers through it, and now she reveled in the feeling.

The heat in Andromeda’s body increased until she was desperate with need. Releasing his hair, she slid her hands down to his chest and began to undo the buttons of his coat. She parted the material and began working on his shirt. He pulled gently back from her and she felt the sting of rejection. Was he going to stop her?

“Are—are you certain?” he asked instead.

“Yes,” she stated. “I want you, Severus. I need you. Please.”

Without another word Severus swept Andromeda up in his arms, carrying her over to the bed. He laid her down and began to gently pepper kisses along her neck, undoing the buttons on her blouse with a slow care that bordered on torture, until he finally peeled back the garment. The way his fingertips brushed her skin as he did so lit a fire of sensation where they touched, and she gasped at the feeling.

Unable to stand it any longer, she sat up and brushed his coat off his shoulders, before doing away with his shirt. He sat before her, his bare chest pale and beautiful in the soft lamplight. Severus reached for Andromeda and pushed her blouse from her frame, then reached behind her to unclasp her bra, letting it fall down her arms. Bending, he took her nipple in his mouth, causing a jolt to flow from the spot to her wanting heat. “Severus,” she gasped.

She reached for his belt, frantically unbuckling it, then pushed him onto his back so she could pull his trousers and underpants down his hips. Almost naked, Severus rolled Andromeda over and teasingly removed her skirt, leaving her only in her knickers, then stood so he could remove his shoes and socks. It made her giggle. Such an awkward thing, shoes. Forever getting in the way when one wished to disrobe quickly. Severus quirked an eyebrow at her and climbed back on the bed, now beautifully, gloriously nude. 

“Are you certain?” he asked again, his eyes intense as they bored into her.

“Yes,” Andromeda said again. “Love me, Severus. Let me love you.” She reached for him and pulled him down for another kiss. When his hand slid slowly up her inner thigh to the junction between her legs, Andromeda thrust her hips up towards him eagerly, desperate for friction. Severus chuckled into her mouth and pressed his fingers lightly against her.

“Why, Andromeda,” he whispered. “You are positively eager.” He pushed her knickers to one slide and slid one long, graceful finger inside her, making her keen. 

“More,” she begged. “Please.”

Severus withdrew, making her whimper, and slowly peeled her knickers down before resuming his ministrations. One, then two, fingers moved inside her, while his thumb gently swirled around her clit. Andromeda was lost in the heady sensations of his touch, and soon her pleasure was building until it crested, before crashing down around her like a wave, making her cry out.

When she returned to awareness, Severus was looking reverently down at her. “You’re even more beautiful when you climax,” he said softly. “Your skin flushes in the most delightful way.”

His words were like poetry. “Severus, I need you. Now.” Andromeda demanded. With one swift movement, he had positioned himself on top of her, and moments later they were moaning in unison as he slid himself into her with one sure thrust. 

Andromeda allowed herself to get lost in the heady feeling of lovemaking, of the feeling of closeness and intimacy. For a short time, she could forget about everything but the two of them, here, moving as one. Reveling in the sensation of caresses, of kisses, of breathy gasps and clutching hands. As their tempo increased and their breathing became more ragged, she felt a pang of loss even as her pleasure was building once again. They would have only this fleeting time together, and it was cruel. Now she was cresting the wave again. Moments later, Severus was following her over the edge, crying out her name.

Later, as they lay entwined in each other’s arms, Andromeda asked him the question that had plagued her ever since the night he had confessed his feelings of guilt and regret over Lily’s death. “Why did you turn to Voldemort? What happened?”

Severus was contemplative for a moment. Finally, he spoke. “My whole life has been an unhappy one. My childhood was punctuated by an absent, unwell mother who was driven mad by the rejection of my bastard of a Muggle father. At school, I was subjected to Potter’s and Black’s idiocy. My affiliations, and my rivalry with Potter, drove Lily and I apart. And then I destroyed any hope of our friendship surviving by calling her a Mudblood. I lashed out at her. It was unforgivable, and I regret it to this day.” He paused, brooding on his sorrowful memories. “By fifth year, the only people I had around me were dark witches and wizards. I was in the darkness, so the darkness I became.”

“I’m sorry you felt you had to choose that path,” Andromeda replied. How her heart hurt for him! He had harboured so much pain for so long, with no one to comfort him or bring him happiness.

“It can’t be undone now,” Severus answered. “And my destiny has been set.” He rose and began to dress.

“I wish you would stay,” Andromeda said sadly as she watched him.

“As do I. But I must go. There is much to do.” He kissed her softly, lingeringly. “Thank you for helping me to forget, just for a moment. I will take this memory into battle as I face down my fate. Farewell, Andromeda.”

He straightened and let himself out of the room, leaving her alone and feeling empty. It was the last time she saw Severus Snape alive.

**July, 1998**

Andromeda was so proud of Harry. Throughout everything, he continued to insist that Severus Snape was not the monster everyone thought him to be. He lauded the man’s contributions throughout the war—throughout _both_ wars—and his tireless efforts to secretly undermine Voldemort and bring about the end of his reign. She stood alongside him, and added her own voice to his. She could attest that the memory Severus provided to Harry as he lay dying was true, for he had confessed the same thing to her. At every opportunity, she repeated his final poignant words to her, hoping that others would heed them and learn from the mistakes of the past.

“When you are surrounded by darkness, then darkness you may become. Do not let this happen. Surround yourselves with light, with good, with happiness. Make amends with those you have offended, and reach out to those who may be struggling. 

“If we are to avoid a repeat of the tragedies we have suffered, we must strive for unity. We must banish the darkness, and never allow it to take hold again. Let us move forward as one, and embrace this new world. Let us honour the memory of brave men like Severus Snape.” 

Andromeda hoped that one day, they would. 


End file.
